FriendZone and Dating… What It Means to You.

*Author’s Note: One commenter suggested a good paragraph of advice, which is a great point to add to this article.  So I’m going to append it.  Thank you Hikari.

One popular subject among dating and the geek/nerd culture is “The Friend Zone.”

Some of you might be asking what that term is or what it means.  Truth be told, we know what it is, but there just wasn’t a term for it.  Let me explain.  Have you ever asked someone out and the person says to you that they only like you as a friend?  Have you actually taken that person out and after a couple of dates you’re told it’s not working out and they only see you as a friend?  That, people is called “The Friend Zone”.

Most of us don’t like being put in the friend zone, I sure as hell don’t.  It took me some time to figure out what I had to do.  And the solution I found works for almost everyone.  If you like the person, be upfront and honest about it.  For some, it’s not an easy thing to do, but it does take time, practice, and confidence.  And confidence is something that all women love.

Now, I have discovered that people are using the term in a casual manner.  For example, take this conversation between me and my brother here:

Him: Hey, this chick I’m digging? I’m not going for it.
Me: Why not dude?  You like her.
Him: Yeah, but she reminds me a lot of my ex. I’m going to friend zone her.
Me: What?  You’re kidding.  You haven’t even asked her out!

I’m sorry, but not making the attempt is not friendzoning.  You can’t friendzone if you haven’t made the attempt to ask the person out.  It defeats the purpose…  Plus it makes absolutely no sense at all.

But what do you do when you’re friendzoned?  Deal with it.  Man up.  What may have happened is that your intentions were not fully made to the other person.  There will always be a communications breakdown among people, this is normal.  So you stay friends with the person, hang out and do friend stuff, get to know each other better and try again one more time.   If it doesn’t work out, then it is what it is.

If a girl does not want to date you, and that doesn’t change after you’ve gotten to know each other better, respect her boundaries. It’s okay to be persistent, but all things in moderation.  Be respectful of each other’s likes and dislikes, and don’t be ‘that stalker guy’ and keep harassing her after she’s made it clear she is not interested.

When you do make the attempt, do not say the word date.  Why?  Lemme explain… Dating puts too much social pressure on things.  It can make the outing less fun. The basis is that you want to go out with the person to dinner and a movie.  Everybody does that, you shouldn’t make it that much more special.  Just be a little bit more formal (instead of wearing that Gundam t-shirt, a polo shirt works better).

And at the end of the night, you both had fun.  Perhaps next week the two of you will get together and go out again.  And then this repeats a few more times, and then you can say you’re dating.

You’d be amazed at how well this works.  Now be forewarned, this does not work on everyone.  Some people want to date.  If that’s what is wanted, then make it a date. It is usually best to let the other person control things at times.

So remember…

  • Be friendly and courteous
  • Make your intentions known
  • Don’t mention date unless the other person wants it
  • Have a good time

You follow those tips, you won’t have a problem.

DJ Ranma S

DJ Ranma S is cosplay veteran. He has won numerous performance awards with his friends over the years. He has staffed conventions in the past, ran panels, judged a couple of masquerades, a jack of all trades. He's worked dealer's room too! Running this site is his way of giving back to the cosplay community. He feels that it's his turn to give a future cosplayer their fifteen minutes of fame.

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3 Responses to “FriendZone and Dating… What It Means to You.”

  1. Hikari says:

    Hey DJ Ranma, great article. Only one thing, I feel as if you should add a small paragraph about being too persistent. "So you stay friend with the person, hang out and do friend stuff, get to know each other better and try again." This is solid advice, but not in a rinse and repeat fashion.

    If a girl does not want to date you, and that doesn't change after you've gotten to know each other better, respect her boundaries. Its okay to be persistent, but all things in moderation. Be respectful of each other's likes and dislikes, and don't be 'that stalker guy' and keep harassing her after she's made it clear she is not interested.

  2. WashuOtaku says:

    But I'm sorry, we are just friends. :\

  3. DJ Ranma S says:

    Hey Hikari, thanks for the insight. I felt as if it wasn't complete because I was missing something. I will add that and give you credit for it. 😀

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